A first Mother’s Day.

Since I’m enjoying relishing in my sorrow today, I may as well advertise it. Right?

I forgot it was Mother’s Day. Not that that is abnormal, I have no memory for these superfluous days anyway. Honor those you care about everyday, and that singular day brings about a load less necessity.

It’s my first of these without a mother though. That’s the rub. It’s the part that really hits you, is how you simply took the others for granted as obligation.

I’m at home. Attempting to numb myself as much as chemicals allow, and feel like I’m searching. Searching for anything that doesn’t frustrate me. Work is good practice. I can’t allow myself to be rude there. It’s other people’s paychecks that my behavior effects. Good morale zone. Otherwise I don’t really desire people around. Vegas will be a real challenge. I’ll make it through as always. Almost everything else is irritating though. Know it’s not intentional, but it’s the way it is currently.

I feel like I’m painting a horrible picture of my life, while actually everything should be awesome. I feel that I’m writing a monologue to an after school special.

Fuck it. More chemicals. Eventually I’ll numb out or I’ll hit the one that works.

After all, let’s get real cliche if we are writing a made for TV movie.